Chapter 11 - Ignoring Problem Behavior
Remembering the Good
Ignoring works best when you give your
child lots of attention and praise for appropriate behavior.
For ignoring to be truly effective the child must be in
a situation where he/she gets lots of positive attention
(praise, hugs, etc.) for appropriate behavior, but no attention
for the inappropriate behavior. Providing attention for
the appropriate behavior and none for the inappropriate
will make it easier for your child to learn what is ok and
what isn't.
Ignoring works best when you praise
positive behavior at the same time as ignoring the 'bad'
behavior.
Your goal is to replace an undesirable behavior with a
desirable behavior. If you do not want your child to scream
when he/she wants something, you need to reinforce or praise
your child when he/she asks for something in a normal voice.
To increase polite asking, you need to praise your child
for that behavior.
The main point is that you never use
ignoring unless you also praise a positive behavior that
will replace the other one.
What if your child doesn't do something
positive?
There are times that your child doesn't do something positive
that you can praise. For example if your child always gets
what he/she wants by screaming, he/she might not know that
asking politely is the better way to get something. In this
case you will probably have to teach your child how to ask
politely.
How do you accomplish this?
- If you have another child who does ask politely for
a cookie (for example) you would praise that child and
reward the polite asking by giving him/her a cookie.
- Tell your child in a calm voice to ask for the cookie.
When he/she does, you give labeled praise "you asked
so nicely!", and you give him/her a cookie immediately.
- Wait for you child to be quiet. That is, ignore the
screaming. When he/she stops, even for a second or two,
you give labeled praise: 'I like it when you're quiet.
You can have a cookie now.' Over time, you can coax
the 'good' behavior and discourage the 'bad'.
